Build Date: Thu Dec 4 16:30:05 2025 UTC
It's all about balance ...and sleep. Only I forgot what the sleep part is really like.
-- Bad Pixie
Use Your Home Computer to Hunt, Kill Ay-leens
1999-05-14 10:59:45
The SETI@Home project is finally up and running. You, too, can help LOCATE aliens across the galaxy. Scientists will use this information to destroy their nests with pinpoint accuracy! "I want to kill bugs, sir!"
SETI@Home is Carl Sagan's dream come true. Mr. Sagan, notable for his unending hatred of aliens and the horrible things they do to human asses, vowed to discover the dens of these intergalactic sodomists and bomb them back to the Stone Age! He died before his dream could come true, but now YOU can help kill some Grays.
See, SETI@Home works a lot like Distributed.net's RC-5 cracking software. Millions of hours of radio telescope data are passed out in packets to all the computers in the world that are running the SETI@Home software. (ASIDE: The software's available for Win32 and Macs -- I gotta say, where's the Linux, fellas? How can you do a CRAZY ASS PROJECT without some Linux software to go with it?)
Anyways, those computers search through the data looking for signs of intelligent signals (vs. random noise). The odds are pretty small that any one computer will find anything this way, BUT! the combination of thousands of computers crunching data makes it possible to process the information much faster than a NASA supercomputer can do.
This is the info they have on their Web site. What they DON'T say is that once we locate the signal, NASA will launch a huge RADIOACTIVE METEORITE in the direction of the signal to DESTROY THEIR EVIL CIVILIZATION before they can PUT STUFF IN OUR ASSES AGAIN.
So check it out. Download this software and help humanity by WIPING OUT AY- LEENS. Wee-haw!

T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
Owner of 6 Medical Marijuana Dispensaries Arrested
Reefer madness or a government fabrication? (More...)
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)
My experiment is a failure. Rockstar-and-Robitussin tastes like day-after-Halloween bile. I'm trying to choke down enough to discover the effects, but no matter what those are one thing is certain at the outset: what I have discovered is not a Beverage, but a pale green and angry iced abomination.
You were right: science is not for the weak of will nor stomach. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)