Build Date: Mon Sep 9 15:30:07 2024 UTC
Innocence is for suckers.
-- Tina the Troubled Teenager
Sen. John Glenn Reveals the Truth about UFOs
2001-03-10 01:38:37
"Back in those glory days, I was very uncomfortable when they asked us to say things we didn't want to say and deny other things. Some people asked, you know, were you alone out there? We never gave the real answer, and yet we see things out there, strange things, but we know what we saw out there. And we couldn't really say anything. The bosses were really afraid of this, they were afraid of the War of the Worlds type stuff, and about panic in the streets. So, we had to keep quiet. And now we only see these things in our nightmares or maybe in the movies, and some of them are pretty close to being the truth." - Senator John Glenn on NBC Tuesday, March 6, 2001.
OK, so he was appearing on Frasier, and it IS a comedy show, and his soliloqy into the camera, talking about "strange things," was a part of the comedy that did ensue, causing much laughter in the house.
Does NBC know how to fuck with believers in ayleens or what? Give that network credit! That show must have SERIOUSLY messed with some people's heads.
(Internal viewer monologue follows.)
"It's John Glenn! He was in space! He knows the truth."
"Omigawd. He's TELLING the truth. On camera, on NATIONAL TV."
"No wait, maybe it's just part of a joke, this IS a comedy show."
"No wait, it doesn't appear to have anything to do with the rest of the show."
"He really WAS just talking on camera! He had a moment to reveal the TRUTH, and HE DID!"
"Oh. Waitasec. This show is taped. It's owned by a big corporate network and THEY'RE PART OF THE CONSPIRACY THAT'S HIDING THE TRUTH. If what he was saying was true, they would have just edited it out."
"Now wait, it appears to be part of the show."
"No! John Glenn managed to WORK THAT IN. The pressure must've been too much, and he's revealing the truth. He just knows that the hammer won't come down if he makes it LOOK like a joke."
"No wait, maybe this is part of the government's plan to GRADUALLY REVEAL THE TRUTH! Yeah, that's it. First they made Independence Day, and then they slip details of what's going on to Chris Carter so he can work it into X-Files plot lines, now John Glenn is letting out little details on a comedy show! It's brilliant. When the Whole Truth is finally revealed, it won't be such a shock to most people."
"No wait, maybe it's just part of a joke, this IS a comedy show. I've been immersed in alien conspiracies so long, it's impaired my sense of humor. I CAN see the joke here. This IS funny. Ha ha."
"But maybe it's not."
"Maybe he worked it in as a joke, but he knows it's the truth, and he knows that there are people out here like me who will know it's the truth."
"Maybe I'm the only one who knows that this is the truth."
"Maybe that message was meant especially for me."
"OK, that's crazy-talk now man. THAT WAS JUST A JOKE. IT'S A COMEDY SHOW, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. LAUGH DAMMIT. LAUGH."
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
T O P S T O R I E S
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Negative Nancy, touring the gin joints of the world, sent us her latest Spocktail creation, The Inattentive Beachcomber, which she concocted and field tested somewhere in South East Asia. (More...)
It was New Year's Eve and I wanted a signature drink I could hand to my guests. Something that they would accept with no fuss, drink quickly, and then want another. A drink simple enough that I could explain the recipe quickly -- thereby annointing each new guest as a bartender capable of making the drink -- and freeing me to enjoy myself. So I created The MAN-tini... (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
This was an old standby back in my poor college days. Back then the goal was to get butt fucking wasted for as little money as possible. The problem was we hated dirt cheap beer - and some weekends, even Henry's was far more lucre then we could scratch together. So we invented Red. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
