Build Date: Mon Oct 5 14:42:34 2026 UTC
I hate to be a one issue voter, but the first candidate that promises public booze fountains gets my vote.
-- Johnnie Royale
Real Aliens Found And They're In Space!
2000-01-12 17:53:48
The American Astronomical Society, which I've never heard of but it sounds like an impressive name, reported HUGE MONSTER ALIENS located on other stars. Well, um, that is, the Infrared Space Observatory showed that it's pretty easy for organic molecules to form around other stars.
The monstrous aliens include acetylene, which is a building block for benzene, which in turn, forms complex hydrocarbons, which, in turn, acts as the building block for pink-purple amorphous entities with long probing eyestalks and vastly superior intelligence which seek only to destroy all goodness and engage in acts of sickening procreation with Earth human womenfolk, according to a very loose paraphrase of Sun Kwok, of the University of Calgary, Canada.
Kwok went on to say that there may also be amino acids manufactured around stars. He did not comment on whether these amino acids were part of super bulk- up formulas which the alien gibbering monsters used to grow to enormous size so that they could come to Earth and battle Godzilla in Tokyo.
"The question is, are we really Martians?" said Mauri Valtonen, of Finland.
Studies indicate, however, that despite Mauri's probing question, we are not Martians. At least, I'm not. Are you?
Well, are you?
LIAR!
T O P S T O R I E S
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America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
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Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
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Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
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Johnny Royale loves his Trackman ultra pointer thingy. It's coolio! Read all about it! (More...)
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Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
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