Build Date: Tue Mar 18 23:00:20 2025 UTC
Seeing your baby's face each morning would only be a cruel reminder of the nice person you used to be.
-- Mr. Bad
Making the Planes Run On Time
2002-02-06 21:31:16
Staggering up from a holiday-binge induced coma, this correspondent fears a Rip Van Winkle hallucination because it's looking a lot like Italy... in 1939.
A few raghead camel-jockeys handed our Law & Order zealots their best hook for eviscerating the Constitution and Bill of Rights since McCarthyism. Defense is double-plus good and the Bush-Lite administration is merrily planning a full-on Military Industrial Complex orgy with every weapons system in sight - as though terrorists plot fielding tank divisions and supersonic fighters.
And of course they're also cutting taxes, too (mostly to the benefit of rich asshole buddies, as opposed to the rest of us), leading to deficit spending - which is a striking contrast to last year's guess at major budget surpluses. (The parallels to Enron's pump and dump are scary, but not very surprising.)
This is all more than mildly annoying, but what did we expect? We "elected" these people (or so they and a majority over at the Supreme Court tell us).
But it's all just money (even though it is _our_ money). Easy come, easy go, wasting our taxes is what government does best, so who cares - guns or pork? This would all be more or less business as usual (the Republicans give away money to the rich, then the Democrats give some to the poor and middle-class) except for the present assault on basic liberties, rights, and citizen data.
You read it right, bucko: "All your data are belong to us" - sayeth the Feds. Their pretense for this is the claim that cross-indexing every scrap of your data - all your purchases, where you live and with whom (for ten years or so), your education, drivers licenses and vehicle tags, arrests and misdemeanors, civil actions, credit information, even IP addresses, web posts, and email - will enable them to single out "suspicious" airline passengers, preemptively.
All of your data will be fed into a web of interconnected databases to track your every move, record your every public act, and log your every statement, "private" or not - all for a dubious justification of making airplanes safe.
A parallel initiative put forward by the desperate corporate bastards running the airlines would let people submit to "voluntary" background checks to get exempted from obnoxious security checks at airports. It's bad enough that a government agency wants to shred our privacy and Constitutional protections, but having airlines extort our privacy to avoid draconian security checks is simply an unconscionable proposition. Here comes a stratified class society courtesy of an unholy collusion between "our" (yeah right) government and a cabal of bigass overleveraged airlines desperately seeking to create profits.
In the 1930's sometime, Mussolini said "Corporatism is Fascism." Of course he meant that as a recommendation for Fascism, but it was perceptive of him. And after all - as was said in Chamberlain's Britain all too glad to appease the Axis Powers way back in those days - fascism made the trains run on time.
When my recreational drugs run out, I'm going to get me some Greyhound stock.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
Spock Went, Spock Wrote, Spock Kicked Ass
Every Labor Day weekend a large portion of the PDJ staff joins 30,000 other freaks at one of the biggest and strangest art festivals in the world - Burning Man - somewhere on the edge of the Black Rock Desert. Our base of operations is always the ultra swank Spock Mountain Research Labs - the World Leaders in Beverage Science and Leisure Technology. This year, we hauled up our computers, printers and a massive digital duplicator, determined to become Black Rock City's third daily newspaper. Even Spock was surprised by our success - news will never be viewed the same on the playa. Read all seven issues of the 2002 Spock Science Monitor for yourself and see why. (More...)
Juggler Vain attempts to wrestle with the issues around the KPFA shutdown; Big-time wrestling ensues. (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)