Gravity and Beverages... The Universal equation
2001-11-24 13:14:27
Few can deny the wonder it would be, to kick back on a comfortable chair upon the Moon, to cast gaze over the Earth, rising in the Morning sun.
But within this dream we share, there is a problem...
Gravity ...A discoverey by Sir Issac Newton, published in his "Principia" of 1687; The problem is Gravity! (Or rather a lack thereof).
But why would this law, which holds us fast to our Mother Earth, be the source of any problem in our dream? After all... Man has conquered local Space. Time and again, in fact, we have broken the shackles which tie us to this Planet, and ventured forth to that shining disc in the sky called 'Luna'. So why then doth the laymen need fear?
...Beer...
Without Gravity, you can't have Beer! [*1*]
Thats right... Gravity has been, until recently, the forgotten part of the equation...
( Water + Barley + Hops + Yeast + Carbon Dioxide (+Gravity) = Beer )
"Carbonation cannot take place without Gravity!?" I hear you gasp!
Well, fear not intrepid Spacefreaks because help is at hand!
Our Friends at NASA have gone to the trouble of discovering a method not only of keeping and consuming Beer in Space, but even to *brew* it!
Yes friends, with the use of the "Fluid Processing Apparatus" utilised by Kirsten Sterrett, recently graduated from the University of Colorado, in her experiments on board an Industry Sponsored Space Shuttle, you too can brew Beer in the vast, black, weightless void that is Space!
In fact, it is actually more efficient to ferment your Beer in Space! So now, with this knowledge, we can finally look up and truly dream...
We can dream a complete dream... A full dream! A dream with Stars, Planets, comfortable chairs, morning light and yes... a beautiful cold glass of tasty Space Beer!
In Space, noone can hear you get pissed!

T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
Another Spocktail brought to you by the selfless beveratologists of Spock Mountain Research Labs. You do the math, we'll do the SCIENCE! (More...)
The Liquidation of Hobo Junction
Albany, CA's homeless hooverville by the Bay, "Hobo Junction," is going to be torn down by The Man. Entrances are already being blocked off, and it's now difficult and dangerous to get there. Worse, these obstacles are making it hard to get to the nearby HORSE TRACK on foot. Local historian, Pao Tzu, has an overview of situation. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Ratsnatcher gets HOT HOT HOT in this classic road tale that looks at the steamy underworld of Bay Area Linux advocacy. Loosen your collar for this one! (More...)