He Makes Me Laugh
2001-10-05 23:22:30
It is no mystery to many of you that I have an irrational little crush on Chicken John. He tickles my freak zone something fierce. He is the ultimate freak magnet. He inspires me. He is a gawdam GENIUS! Anyone who can coax a frat boy on stage to flaunt his third nipple HAS to be.
Don't let him fool you. He is a thousand points of Elvis. He does everything on purpose. That bungling loser act is just that, an act. He is a calculated and deliberate showman. He puts the Carny back in Carnival. He puts the Ring back in Ringleader. He puts the Big back in Big Top. He puts the Master back in...okay, I'll stop. The point is, he does what he wants without taking shit from anyone. He pushes the envelope just to have a good story to tell. He boldly goes where no man would ever want to go in their wildest dreams and turns it into entertainment. For example, he recently undertook the arduous task of purchasing the Odeon. He whipped out his balls and became a business owner. Just like that. Gawd BLESS him! A few dollars worth of glitter, some original show posters and a new stage later and we have our very own freak show seven nights a week. I LOVE this dive.
Looking like a cross between Austin Powers and Cary Grant, Chicken saunters into the bar. Impervious to the massive throngs, he tends to business. He turns on the juke box, heads for the closet to retrieve the cash drawer, checks a few switches, and steps behind the bar for a clandestine chat with the bartender. He exits as smoothly as he entered only to return in a new get up ready for the night's festivities. He shouts, "Hey you tight wads. The least you could do is cough up a dollar and play the juke box."
Unfortunately, Chicken is having a rough go of it. Due to a light sleeping, punitive neighbor who would rather have the coke dealers and crack whores return to their front porch, Chicken has been side swiped by the litigious mainstream. Although I'm confident that upon reviewing the good faith efforts being made to placate the sleepless citizen, the judge will toss the entire case in the circular file cabinet: the Odeon needs all the support you can offer. If you own or rent in Bernal Heights, or you are an avid Chicken John fan, sign the appropriate petition. Even if you're one of the folks unhappy with Chicken John, sign the petition to ensure he doesn't come to your neighborhood. In these times of tenuous civil liberties, the Alter Natives need a community center now more than ever.
Meanwhile, that freaky punk rocks my whirled. When I grow up, I want to be JUST like him. Plus he has a GREAT wardrobe. So come on down to the crossroads of Mission and Valencia to experience the light, the wonder, the chaos that is Chicken John (just don't touch him). Oh, and if you want to know more about the club controversy go here.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
We here at Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL - world leaders in beverage research and leisure technology) have been noting some complaints about a few of the last Spocktails recipes we’ve released to the general public. Some complaints received to barfback and pigdog-l have centered around the opinion that no one in their right minds would make the drink in question much less consume it. (More...)
The Liquidation of Hobo Junction
Albany, CA's homeless hooverville by the Bay, "Hobo Junction," is going to be torn down by The Man. Entrances are already being blocked off, and it's now difficult and dangerous to get there. Worse, these obstacles are making it hard to get to the nearby HORSE TRACK on foot. Local historian, Pao Tzu, has an overview of situation. (More...)
The IBM Selectric Typewriter Changed My Life
I ran my hands lovingly across her frame, lightly brushing her metallic nipples with my fingers, admiring the shapes and the ways of her curves, the empathetic hum she produced as I had my way with her, the way she made it all seem so effortless and right... she didn't even seem to mind the way I roughly manipulated her knobs and tweaked her casing. She was extremely tolerant, for a typewriter. (More...)
It's winter in Idaho, and Boise personality "Lego-Man" reports on how he celebrated Thanksgiving. "I fed my wife, mother and sister wine slurpies!" (More...)
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year. (More...)
Pigdog brings you SETI astronomer Seth Shostak to bring you the truth about Ay-leens (More...)