Ministry of Truth! Just like in that TV show with the cats.

     
 

He Makes Me Laugh
2001-10-05 23:22:30


Pros from Dover
 
Please, folks, ASCII art is INTERLOGICAL POOPERY! Do not steal it, or you are a STEALER!!!!1!
-- Mr. Bad

 

It is no mystery to many of you that I have an irrational little crush on Chicken John. He tickles my freak zone something fierce. He is the ultimate freak magnet. He inspires me. He is a gawdam GENIUS! Anyone who can coax a frat boy on stage to flaunt his third nipple HAS to be.

Don't let him fool you. He is a thousand points of Elvis. He does everything on purpose. That bungling loser act is just that, an act. He is a calculated and deliberate showman. He puts the Carny back in Carnival. He puts the Ring back in Ringleader. He puts the Big back in Big Top. He puts the Master back in...okay, I'll stop. The point is, he does what he wants without taking shit from anyone. He pushes the envelope just to have a good story to tell. He boldly goes where no man would ever want to go in their wildest dreams and turns it into entertainment. For example, he recently undertook the arduous task of purchasing the Odeon. He whipped out his balls and became a business owner. Just like that. Gawd BLESS him! A few dollars worth of glitter, some original show posters and a new stage later and we have our very own freak show seven nights a week. I LOVE this dive.

Looking like a cross between Austin Powers and Cary Grant, Chicken saunters into the bar. Impervious to the massive throngs, he tends to business. He turns on the juke box, heads for the closet to retrieve the cash drawer, checks a few switches, and steps behind the bar for a clandestine chat with the bartender. He exits as smoothly as he entered only to return in a new get up ready for the night's festivities. He shouts, "Hey you tight wads. The least you could do is cough up a dollar and play the juke box."

Unfortunately, Chicken is having a rough go of it. Due to a light sleeping, punitive neighbor who would rather have the coke dealers and crack whores return to their front porch, Chicken has been side swiped by the litigious mainstream. Although I'm confident that upon reviewing the good faith efforts being made to placate the sleepless citizen, the judge will toss the entire case in the circular file cabinet: the Odeon needs all the support you can offer. If you own or rent in Bernal Heights, or you are an avid Chicken John fan, sign the appropriate petition. Even if you're one of the folks unhappy with Chicken John, sign the petition to ensure he doesn't come to your neighborhood. In these times of tenuous civil liberties, the Alter Natives need a community center now more than ever.

Meanwhile, that freaky punk rocks my whirled. When I grow up, I want to be JUST like him. Plus he has a GREAT wardrobe. So come on down to the crossroads of Mission and Valencia to experience the light, the wonder, the chaos that is Chicken John (just don't touch him). Oh, and if you want to know more about the club controversy go here.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

lurid@pigdog.org


comments powered by Disqus
 
     

 

C L A S S I C   P I G D O G

Put the "Life" Back in SF "Nightlife"
by Flesh

Escape to Spock Mountain!
by Baron Earl

Solex vs. the Pigdog
by The Compulsive Splicer

Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
by El Snatcher & Ms. BunnyPenny

12-04

El Destino

What teenaged girls really wanted to ask David Cassidy

10-09

El Destino

Frank Sinatra told Donald Trump to "go fuck himself"

07-05

El Destino

Whatever happened to JenniCam's Jennifer Ringley?

05-03

El Destino

Iíve Made Millions Selling Fake Plastic Hillbilly Teeth

05-03

Baron Earl

Fyre Fest Lawsuit

05-03

Baron Earl

US Government uses drones to shoot M&Ms at endangered ferrets

05-03

Baron Earl

When will the abuse of airline passengers stop?

05-03

El Destino

Hillbilly miner turned coder wants to make Kentucky into "Silicon Holler"

03-31

El Destino

86-year-old William Shatner cast in a new romantic comedy: 'Senior Moment'

03-19

El Destino

New ransomware taunts its victims with ASCII art of Spock and Kirk

01-26

Flesh

Alex Jones is Big, Fat, And Drunk in Public.

08-01

El Destino

Amazon's secret: incest in the Kindle ad?

08-01

El Destino

Slut Walk! Sexy feminist protest, or invaders from Mars?

04-25

Daemon Agent

The Quest for the Best Cheap Beer in a Can

04-25

Eugene Leitl

Beverage science at its finest

04-16

El Destino

YouTube punishes copyright offenders with animated pirate cat

04-09

Baron Earl

Poll shows that almost half of Mississippi's Republicans think interracial marriage should be illegal

04-07

Baron Earl

Commodore64 redux - now with Linux

04-06

El Destino

George Takei demonstrates why he should be playing Spider-Man

04-01

El Destino

High school students sacrifice chickens to improve their batting average

More Quickies...