Build Date: Thu Jun 12 10:10:13 2025 UTC
I took a Career Guidance test in high school. I checked off that I hated everything, but that working outside was tolerable. The computer software suggested that I become a Postal Carrier.
-- Baron Earl
Pigdog Tracks Down Mr. T
2000-10-10 22:02:02
For those Pigdog readers that came of age in the early 80's, you'll remember the TV series the "A-Team". It was a show about 4 Vietnam vets on the run from the Army for a crime they didn't commit - forced to make a living in the LA underground as mercenaries righting wrongs.
The only thing that was worse then the acting, was the dialog. And the only worse then the dialog was their shooting. In every single episode, they'd always fire away at the bad guys with massive assault weapons on full auto at damn near point blank range and nobody EVER got hit. And don't get me started only how many times someone got in a major car rollover with out wearing a seatbelt and walk away smiling and brushing the dust off. Still, it was what the A-Team did... lots of firepower and big explosions and no body count.
It starred George Peppard as Col. John "Hannibal" Smith, some loser named Dirk Benedict as Lt. Templeton "Faceman" Peck, an indecipherable twit Dwight Schultz as Capt. "Howling Mad" Murdock and the reason the showed crawled across the 100 episode line needed for syndication, Mr. T (Lawrence Turead) as Sgt. Bosco "Bad Attitude" Baracus.
As L. Fitzgerald Sjöberg writing for the Brunching Shuttlecocks so recently and correctly points out "...Mr. T was and is the cornerstone of the A-Team franchise. Without him, the show might as well have been titled "Three White Guys Get Cancelled."
For those of you that have been wondering just what Mr. T's been doing, we have the answer. Making commercials for the Oregon Lottery. As usual, he's stomping around, scaring the hell out of the white folks. At least he least working in the Biz, as I think Mr. T. might have problems getting a job selling insurance or pumping gas. He's been type-casted worse then just about anyone in Hollywood, for that, "I pity the poor fool."
So if you want to hear Mr. T say "Who wants to give Mr. T foot rub?" to a tailer full of white people.
(Note: QuickTime viewer required)
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
About 14 years ago when I was on a road trip and stopped in Seattle, I was invited to a party. At this party there were these little tiny glasses sitting in a flat-bottomed bowl of ice. Thin cylinders about an inch in diameter and 4 inches tall, with thick glass at the bottom. Into these were poured frozen AKVAVIT... also known as the water of life. (More...)
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)