Build Date: Sun Mar 23 05:10:18 2025 UTC
It's important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It's not only life of babies, but it's life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet.
-- G.W. Bush, Arlington Heights, Ill., Oct. 24, 2000
Have Sex? Get Stoned!
2002-04-19 20:49:28
Wait, isn't that out of order?
Well, remind me not to ever have sex in Pakistan. I mean, yeah, probably everything would be OK because I'm a man and men almost never get tapped for this sort of thing, but, well, it's the principle of the thing. Besides, I don't think I could get it up in any country that pulls shit like this.
OK, here's the deal: a Pakistani woman named Zafran Bibi has been convicted of adultery and sentenced to death. That would be death by stoning.
Not that there is any good way to be killed, mind you, but stoning seems like a particularly unpleasant way to go. Maybe if it was one really big rock dropped on you, but that's not how this works. Stoning means a bunch of people stand in a circle around you and play "dunk the clown" with you except that instead of aiming at the little target they're throwing stuff at you directly. And there's no pool of water to fall into. And they aren't softballs or even baseballs that are being thrown. They're rocks. Or, well, stones I guess you might say.
Now anyone who has ever been hit by a rock can tell you it's no damn fun. Now multiply this again and again until you're dead. Yeah. Exactly. Not a good way to go.
And for what? She had sex with someone who wasn't her husband. I mean come on! If we applied that kind of law here in the States there wouldn't be any women left, just a bloody pool and some virgins.
Reading the news is going to ruin my whole Friday night. Remind me not to do this again.
T O P S T O R I E S
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
First there was the Bloody Mary: Vodka, Tomato Juice, Worcestershire sauce, some spices, and celery. We drank it, and it was good. Then any drink with tomato juice got a prefix of "bloody" attached to it. We drank them, and they were mostly bad. Now Pigdog gets back to basics and introduces The Bloody Dog, a drink with REAL BLOOD in it. HUMAN BLOOD. (More...)
What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? (More...)
One of our star reporters was sent to Comdex by his employer. El Destino reports live from the biggest, geekiest trade show in the world. (More...)
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
So I was walking around the Tenderloin looking for stray twenty-dollar-bills that might have fallen into gutters, and I was thinking, as I often do, about my mother. (More...)
