Have Sex? Get Stoned!
2002-04-19 20:49:28
Wait, isn't that out of order?
Well, remind me not to ever have sex in Pakistan. I mean, yeah, probably everything would be OK because I'm a man and men almost never get tapped for this sort of thing, but, well, it's the principle of the thing. Besides, I don't think I could get it up in any country that pulls shit like this.
OK, here's the deal: a Pakistani woman named Zafran Bibi has been convicted of adultery and sentenced to death. That would be death by stoning.
Not that there is any good way to be killed, mind you, but stoning seems like a particularly unpleasant way to go. Maybe if it was one really big rock dropped on you, but that's not how this works. Stoning means a bunch of people stand in a circle around you and play "dunk the clown" with you except that instead of aiming at the little target they're throwing stuff at you directly. And there's no pool of water to fall into. And they aren't softballs or even baseballs that are being thrown. They're rocks. Or, well, stones I guess you might say.
Now anyone who has ever been hit by a rock can tell you it's no damn fun. Now multiply this again and again until you're dead. Yeah. Exactly. Not a good way to go.
And for what? She had sex with someone who wasn't her husband. I mean come on! If we applied that kind of law here in the States there wouldn't be any women left, just a bloody pool and some virgins.
Reading the news is going to ruin my whole Friday night. Remind me not to do this again.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Pigdog brings you SETI astronomer Seth Shostak to bring you the truth about Ay-leens (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
The IBM Selectric Typewriter Changed My Life
I ran my hands lovingly across her frame, lightly brushing her metallic nipples with my fingers, admiring the shapes and the ways of her curves, the empathetic hum she produced as I had my way with her, the way she made it all seem so effortless and right... she didn't even seem to mind the way I roughly manipulated her knobs and tweaked her casing. She was extremely tolerant, for a typewriter. (More...)
What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)