Build Date: Sat Jul 12 09:40:18 2025 UTC
Just to recap: Hacking mainframes => Good. Hacking children's heads off =>
Bad.
-- Negative Nancy
I'm Drunk and I'm Voting
2000-11-06 02:18:30
That's right Pigdog fans. Johnnie is thoroughly disgusted with the big money corporate run elections we have on Tuesday, I'm going to the polls drunk off my ass.
With Bush's 170 million dollar campaign and Gore's 130 million dollar one, the fucking Secretary of State might as well be honest and print the GM, ATT and Ford logos on the ballot, as this election is brought to you, sponsored by corporations, for corporations. It makes me want to throw up.
Well, I'm not planning on doing that in the voting booth, tho' it is a distinct possibility. Instead, I'm gonna live by my new motto, which is, Vote Early, Vote Drunk.
My new strategy is, after a big breakfast, start mixing drinks around 10am Tuesday morning. Then sometime around 1pm, stumble over to the Quaker church (how ironic) two houses down the street with election pamphlet and a flask of whiskey. Then in the voting booth I will choose. It might take me a while, and I'm bring one of my old ten sided AD&D dice in case I run into a stumper, like which lame ass to vote on to the board of the Central Contra Costa Sanitary Distinct. Ugh.
Still, I figure this process will completely defeat the nearly billion of dollars that have be raised and spent by corporate America to sway my vote. And if it doesn't... well, I'll be to numb to care.
Then after I vote, I will retire my computer where, with a generous supply of booze, I shall watch the election results roll in and cry into my beer that my country has seen fit to elect such losers.
You might fault me, dear Readers, for my insolence about the process of deciding our future... but when you think about, I'm staying true to my beliefs. Can you say the same?
Remember folks, VOTE EARLY, VOTE DRUNK!
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
"Gee, I wish I was older."
"So do I." (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
