I'm Drunk and I'm Voting
2000-11-06 02:18:30

An Ethologist's Notebook
Fuck! I just realized, you people all hate me.
-- Ratsnatcher


That's right Pigdog fans. Johnnie is thoroughly disgusted with the big money corporate run elections we have on Tuesday, I'm going to the polls drunk off my ass.

With Bush's 170 million dollar campaign and Gore's 130 million dollar one, the fucking Secretary of State might as well be honest and print the GM, ATT and Ford logos on the ballot, as this election is brought to you, sponsored by corporations, for corporations. It makes me want to throw up.

Well, I'm not planning on doing that in the voting booth, tho' it is a distinct possibility. Instead, I'm gonna live by my new motto, which is, Vote Early, Vote Drunk.

My new strategy is, after a big breakfast, start mixing drinks around 10am Tuesday morning. Then sometime around 1pm, stumble over to the Quaker church (how ironic) two houses down the street with election pamphlet and a flask of whiskey. Then in the voting booth I will choose. It might take me a while, and I'm bring one of my old ten sided AD&D dice in case I run into a stumper, like which lame ass to vote on to the board of the Central Contra Costa Sanitary Distinct. Ugh.

Still, I figure this process will completely defeat the nearly billion of dollars that have be raised and spent by corporate America to sway my vote. And if it doesn't... well, I'll be to numb to care.

Then after I vote, I will retire my computer where, with a generous supply of booze, I shall watch the election results roll in and cry into my beer that my country has seen fit to elect such losers.

You might fault me, dear Readers, for my insolence about the process of deciding our future... but when you think about, I'm staying true to my beliefs. Can you say the same?

Remember folks, VOTE EARLY, VOTE DRUNK!

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.


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