Build Date: Fri Sep 18 06:32:19 2026 UTC
You can put the liquor in the girl, but you cannot put the girl in the liquor.
-- Allegra
Chinese Better At Revolutionary Meditating Than We Are
1999-11-01 15:17:18
The whole Falun Gong story just really inspires me. I mean it. Here's this religion, that stresses like slow exercise and meditation, and the government is TOTALLY CRACKING DOWN ON IT. I mean, it's like these Falun Gong people do these exercises, and it's SO EFFECTIVE at making people happy and healthy that the OPPRESSIVE CHINESE GOVERNMENT has to ban it to keep people from being healthy enough to shrug off their regime.
And it makes you moral too. But not moral in a Wonder-Bread Missouri scared-of-fags kind of way, like the moral people are here. No sir. Moral in a secret-press-meeting, three-taxis-to-get-to-the-secret-hotel, get-beat-up-and-still-keep-meditating way.
Fuck! It's so cool! Here in America we've got like Tae Bo, and squeaky New Agers, and all that shit, and it's nothing. It's overpriced knick-knack shops. But over there, they've got New Age down pat SO FUCKING WELL that the government needs to crack down on it. And even that doesn't work, because they're so healthy and moral that they meditate their way out of it!
I sing my call out to America: WE NEED MEDITATION SO COOL THAT IT GETS BANNED. Maybe not Falun Gong. Maybe we need Open Source Software mantras that can send the military-industrial complex toppling or something. Or Slow-Motion Exercises that will suddenly remove all the scummiest from office.
GET TO WORK, MAGGOTS!
T O P S T O R I E S
John Dvorak has passed. I’m of mixed emotions. First off I’m more positive about his contribution to the overall technology journalism of the early PC days through the 90s, despite how many things he got wrong. He was a firebrand and commanded attention. (More...)
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
There are two kinds of Assmen in this world. Wild, hairy assmen, who put stickers that say things like "Why Be Normal?" all over their trucks and drink Corona beer and wear fezzes at parties for attention; these are the Assman Desperados. Our job is to ferret them out and expose them. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
The Ancient and Correct Sake Ceremony
Many Americans have learned to appreciate the delicate, sophisticated flavors of Japanese food and drink, along with the beautifully refined rituals of Japanese dining. San Francisco, as a gateway between East and West, has especially benefited from the flowering of Eastern consciousness in America. It is hardly possible to walk down the street without stepping on somebody's sushi. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
