Build Date: Tue Jun 9 14:30:09 2026 UTC
When I
thought something was cool, you suggested that I hook my testicles up
to electricity.
-- Uncle Pedro
Chinese Better At Revolutionary Meditating Than We Are
1999-11-01 15:17:18
The whole Falun Gong story just really inspires me. I mean it. Here's this religion, that stresses like slow exercise and meditation, and the government is TOTALLY CRACKING DOWN ON IT. I mean, it's like these Falun Gong people do these exercises, and it's SO EFFECTIVE at making people happy and healthy that the OPPRESSIVE CHINESE GOVERNMENT has to ban it to keep people from being healthy enough to shrug off their regime.
And it makes you moral too. But not moral in a Wonder-Bread Missouri scared-of-fags kind of way, like the moral people are here. No sir. Moral in a secret-press-meeting, three-taxis-to-get-to-the-secret-hotel, get-beat-up-and-still-keep-meditating way.
Fuck! It's so cool! Here in America we've got like Tae Bo, and squeaky New Agers, and all that shit, and it's nothing. It's overpriced knick-knack shops. But over there, they've got New Age down pat SO FUCKING WELL that the government needs to crack down on it. And even that doesn't work, because they're so healthy and moral that they meditate their way out of it!
I sing my call out to America: WE NEED MEDITATION SO COOL THAT IT GETS BANNED. Maybe not Falun Gong. Maybe we need Open Source Software mantras that can send the military-industrial complex toppling or something. Or Slow-Motion Exercises that will suddenly remove all the scummiest from office.
GET TO WORK, MAGGOTS!
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