Build Date: Thu Oct 30 15:40:44 2025 UTC
GIVE UP. YOUR BODY IS DECOMPOSING AS YOU READ THIS MESSAGE. THE PROCESS IS IRREVERSIBLE!
-- Tjames Madison
Quit Washing NOW!!
2002-05-03 00:18:07
This is an urgent Pigdog advisory to all loyal viewers. Please quit bathing, now. Thank you.
For serious real, scientists in North Carolina have determined that showering is hazardous to your health, due to the chlorine that the gubmint insists on putting in your bathwater. It seems that simple skin contact with chlorinated water is enough to produce some, er, trihalomethanes or shit like that, but the point is it'll give you cancer.
This explains why toothless Appalachian hillbillies live to be a hundred and three, while their gone-wrong city-dwelling offspring in Raleigh are dead of colon cancer by age sixty-eight. It's the tribblethalomines is what it is.
Worse yet, it's been proven that the tristomethagorenes can cause miscarriages. Isn't it obvious what's going on here, folks?! The Feds are using the damn chemicals to conduct a mass experiment in genetic engineering! In places where people bathe a lot, like cities and stuff, the population is being carefully controlled through the use of chlorinated bathwater. Less densely populated areas don't need as much involuntary birth control.
Anyway, whether or not these tryinhalingmethanes have been deliberately inserted into our water supply or not, it's clear that as Bad People of the Future we've now been presented with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Our forces could gain a clear numerical advantage over the enemy by exploiting this information over the long term. Within a couple of decades, we could begin reversing our odds against the Good People of the Present.
Quit showering and BREED, Pigdoggers!
As a precautionary measure, it's also probably best to quit drinking tap water, too. Who knows what kind of tripthelightfantasticorithenes the city water has been laced with. While you're at it, you'll probably want to finish that old bunker of yours, seeing as it can't be too long until the Federales develop an airborne strain. Just stay in the basement and boink your brains out. It's the only safe course of action.

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Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
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Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
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Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
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Songs Of Love And Special Things
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Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)