Build Date: Sat May 23 00:20:09 2026 UTC
Not buying it. Very sloppy. Extremely relaxed thinking.
-- Tjames
Quit Washing NOW!!
2002-05-03 00:18:07
This is an urgent Pigdog advisory to all loyal viewers. Please quit bathing, now. Thank you.
For serious real, scientists in North Carolina have determined that showering is hazardous to your health, due to the chlorine that the gubmint insists on putting in your bathwater. It seems that simple skin contact with chlorinated water is enough to produce some, er, trihalomethanes or shit like that, but the point is it'll give you cancer.
This explains why toothless Appalachian hillbillies live to be a hundred and three, while their gone-wrong city-dwelling offspring in Raleigh are dead of colon cancer by age sixty-eight. It's the tribblethalomines is what it is.
Worse yet, it's been proven that the tristomethagorenes can cause miscarriages. Isn't it obvious what's going on here, folks?! The Feds are using the damn chemicals to conduct a mass experiment in genetic engineering! In places where people bathe a lot, like cities and stuff, the population is being carefully controlled through the use of chlorinated bathwater. Less densely populated areas don't need as much involuntary birth control.
Anyway, whether or not these tryinhalingmethanes have been deliberately inserted into our water supply or not, it's clear that as Bad People of the Future we've now been presented with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Our forces could gain a clear numerical advantage over the enemy by exploiting this information over the long term. Within a couple of decades, we could begin reversing our odds against the Good People of the Present.
Quit showering and BREED, Pigdoggers!
As a precautionary measure, it's also probably best to quit drinking tap water, too. Who knows what kind of tripthelightfantasticorithenes the city water has been laced with. While you're at it, you'll probably want to finish that old bunker of yours, seeing as it can't be too long until the Federales develop an airborne strain. Just stay in the basement and boink your brains out. It's the only safe course of action.
T O P S T O R I E S
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
Our man Daemon Agent checks out the heavy heavy sounds of crazy space surf rockers Man or Astroman?. (More...)
"Gee, I wish I was older."
"So do I." (More...)
The Ancient and Correct Sake Ceremony
Many Americans have learned to appreciate the delicate, sophisticated flavors of Japanese food and drink, along with the beautifully refined rituals of Japanese dining. San Francisco, as a gateway between East and West, has especially benefited from the flowering of Eastern consciousness in America. It is hardly possible to walk down the street without stepping on somebody's sushi. (More...)
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year. (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
