Build Date: Thu Oct 23 09:00:13 2025 UTC
Klebold was a patsy.
-- Miles Standish
Anal Flashlight Rape Protects Freedom
2006-03-01 20:42:05
Former Attorney General John Ashcroft said he makes "no apologies" for finding every legal way to protect the public, which includes anally-raping suspects with flashlights until their asses bleed.
This didn't happen in far away Abu Ghraib or Guantanamo Bay, suspects held in a federal detention facility in Brooklyn were shackled and then kicked and punched until they bled, a practice known as "torture". Guards also anally-raped one Egyptian man named Ehab Elmaghraby with a flashlight and tore him a new one. He was just awarded a $300,000 settlement from the federal government after he sued the government and won.
Many of the abuses were videotaped on prison cameras, and have been documented in a recently-released 2003 report made by the Justice Department's inspector general.
Mr. Elmaghraby was originally picked up because his landlord, who is also a Muslim, had applied for pilot's training many years prior to 9/11. When his wife, an American citizen, arrived at his first court hearing, an F.B.I. agent threatened to arrest her as well. Rather than be arrested, she left Elmaghraby.
Of the 762 known suspects who were rounded up and held in the detention center after 9/11, all have been cleared by the F.B.I. -- none were linked to terrorist activity. Of course clearing them didn't happen quickly -- it took more than a year to straighten out the snafu.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
It’s election night. My wife and I are holed-up in this hotel that my political party has rented out for the evening. Outside, people are being violently beaten for whom they voted for. Is this South Africa? Perhaps we’re in Haiti or some Southern state during the 60’s. Of all the places where this sort of thing happens, it’s mind-boggling that we are in Portland, Maine. (More...)
Yet another delicious SPOCKTAIL from the SMRL Beverage Science Labs! Check under the cap for your chance to win thousands of fabulous prizes! (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
This is one for the Ages. Our new signature SMRL drink. We beta tested this several weeks ago at the Goat Brothers B-Day Party. Oh my! (More...)
