Noelle Snatched Underwear?
2002-02-01 10:14:58
This time the Florida girl gone wild had apparently decided to knock over a Penney's, or at least snatch some underwear. In 1995 "Noell Bush" was caught, arrested, and sentenced to a $305 fine. The person arrested attended a boarding school where it's been confirmed that, yes, the governor's daughter was enrolled. "Noell" even has the same name and birthdate.
A paper in Flagstaff broke the news Thursday -- yet other news outlets won't touch it. Florida officials released her from jail because they thought she had a clean record. Now they're thinking she's going to need a bail bondsman. Why this vast journalistic conspiracy of silence? While the Florida judicial system processes the new information on yet-another Bush family scandal, the newspapers obligingly look away...
It's been said any whiff of scandal involving liberal politicians gets vetted and pumped up through a pipeline of conservative pundits -- but that there's no corresponding fluffers for Bush-bashing. Add aggressive stone-walling from the Bush family, and you get a press corp that's cowed into submission.
All signs suggest reporters should steel themselves for more controversy in the future. Noelle's release was part of a program to lessen jail crowding by not detaining any Bush daughters gone loco if it's their first offense. The obvious conclusion, of course, is that there's more to come.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
The Peppermill Is Not Good For You
Paradise lounge on the strip. Expense it, bad boy! (More...)
Ah, it's that special time of year again. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose, crowded, dangerous streets filled with maniac shoppers rushing to the mall to buy Pokemon action figures, and getting hammered at the Xmas party and insulting the boss's hair weave. That's right: it's time to drink heavily and wait out life's little nagging miseries, holiday variety. Pigdog is here to help. (More...)