Build Date: Fri Feb 14 12:30:16 2025 UTC
Did you know I did a google search the other day for 'alcoholic programmers' and nothing came back??? Who are they trying to kid?
-- Mr. Bad
Labels Are for Clothes
2001-10-16 12:18:34
Have you ever sat around a campfire enjoying some edifying cock talk with a couple of friends when someone starts to eavesdrop? You look in their direction and notice they are interested in your conversation. Decorum dictates that you introduce yourself and your friends. Next thing you know this social interloper is beckoning you with a beleaguered "What did they say?" at each conversational volley. "They said PROSTATE," you bellow. The stranger decides that paying attention to the conversation at large is too laborious, so they focus on you. And there is no better ice breaker in their arsenal than the question, "So what are you: gay, straight or bi?"
For one eternal nano-second your mind reels rendering you uncharacteristically speechless. You're compelled to say, "What did you say?" But you don't really want to hear it again. Instead you wish that either you or they would fall off gawd's flat green Earth that very moment. Finally you muster a response, "I practice safe sex. I like to do it alone." You decide they don't even SEE you when they reply with, "Oh, I see we're still undecided."
No, it's not that you're undecided. And no, it's not that you find this meddlesome creature completely unappealing (although secretly, you DO). It's that sexual preference labels just do not work as first impression presentation material in your whirled. In fact, no label ever works. Why do they need to know your sexual preference before making an effort to get to know you? So that they can treat you differently? That is sexism and we don't play that way round here. What if you end up being the sexual preference of their choice? Does that mean you are obliged to be intimate with them? What if you don't fall within their preference column? Are they going to fink you out to the other campers? "Oh, don't bother getting to know that person. They're, you know."
Later you think of all kinds of things you wish you had said: "Does that line actually WORK for you?" "Do you find that meaningful relationships develop after an introduction like that?" "Have you been satisfied by the friendships you have built around that question?" "I'm a free thinker." "Yes I AM gay, straight or bi. Does it show?" "I prefer dancing." "Which one do you NOT want me to be?" "I'm a human being. But thanks for playing." "Uh, that costs extra." "No."
Furthermore, what is really being said here? What is the insulting meaning underlying this inquiry? Let's break it down: "Are you gay, straight or bi?" = "I don't want to spend any more time getting to know you until I can determine whether I'm going to get some action off you first." Heck, I wouldn't even answer that question if Kevin Costner asked me.
Now I'm not talking about behavior here. Behavior can be modified with positive or negative reinforcement. Anyone can siphon like a mook, tattle like a fink or be had like a chump. I'm talking about labels. The kind that are applied on boxes for ease of categorization. The kind that bind with invisible lines preventing us from expanding our freedom of expression. Labels beget segregation. Segregation begets isolation. Isolation begets insanity. Insanity begets terrorism. Labels are just plain wrong people. Question the question. Oh, give me land, lots of land under starry skies above. Don't fence me in.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? (More...)
Eavesdropping on Geeks: 'Star Trek: Discovery' vs 'The Orville'
If you broke into Pigdog's top sekrit headquarters, spying on their mysterious mix of weird science and old-skool geekiness, you'd overhear this conversation: (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
The Peppermill Is Not Good For You
Paradise lounge on the strip. Expense it, bad boy! (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)