It's important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It's not only life of babies, but it's life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet. -- G.W. Bush, Arlington Heights, Ill., Oct. 24, 2000
After a gruelling two-week trip through the motorcycle heart of cowboy America, I returned to San Francisco for a welcome romp through the hilarious smut of Debbie Does Dallas -- The Musical. What a great way to get back into synch with the City and just how wonderfully bent we are here. I mean, seriously -- where else can you go to a stage musical in which the lead actor strolls onstage with his balls hanging out of his underwear?
Set against the backdrop of seventies free sex disco excess, the play picks up on America's future porn superstar when she's still a naive virgin with dreams of one day spreading her legs every Sunday for the Dallas Cowboys. This girl needs to get to Dallas so she can take her rightful place among the other cheerleaders there. Unfortunately, she's broke and has only two weeks to raise the funds for her pilgrimage. Naturally, her clique of fellow cheerleading sluts is eager to help. The all-American way, of course.
What follows is a refreshing reminder to everyone who now claims to be too old to remember just what they did in high school that the kids are not alright. We were horny, conniving, bold little perverts back then. We traded innocence for thrills and never cared about what we were shedding and gaining. In some cases, we left behind our worst parts and gained our freedom. Anywhere, anytime, in front of anyone. Fuck yeah! Girls figured out that guys would pay for it, guys finally got the message that girls often lead them around by the cock. In the end, all the characters get what they so richly deserve -- wisdom, self-discovery, money, and lots of cum.
I haven’t had this much unadulterated fun in a theater since arming and leading an audience for a zombie hunt. This time, though, the flesh is all fresh, the humor slapstick, and the underlying premise of “Teen Services” so wonderfully subversive in these Puritanical times of Viagra necessities and fleeting handjobs. There's enough inside jokes to keep the perverts giggling, and enough seduction to wet the panties of even the dreariest bankruptcy litigator. If you've been missing some zip from your fuck-a-holic sex life lately, this is definitely the show for you. Take a partner. Take two. Hell, take three and make a scene. The cast and management will love you for it.
The show runs Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays through September 3rd at the Eureka Theater in San Francisco. For tickets and more information, hit: www.debbiesf.com.