Our intrepid reporter and gonzo journalist, CrackMonkey,
went to the Survival Research Labs and artcar demolition
derby in San Francisco last night and got demolished. He
filed this report which we now post for posterity here in
the Pigdog Journal, where Bad People of Future stay
Fuq, okay, so I'm writing
this little report while pretty goddamn drunk off of all the shit that we drank
tonight. It all seems to have hit me right about now, so this is gonna be
I convened at the Glen Park BART station to rearrange our wares and prepare the
thermos o' Cap'n Emad's Land Yo' Sorry Arse In Th' Brig ArrrrrrrUM!
We bought cokes for innocuous
beverage factor, and headed onto the 23 on our way to ACE auto wrecking for the
The Devo impersonators seemed a lot more like Beastie
Boys impersonators to us, so maybe that was just the opening act. We sat on the
tires and drank our spocktails out of specially designed techno-beveratology
devices and watched the ensuing Images Of The Future.
SRL shows are all like you're in The
Future and it's full of Bad People. Everyone's all done up in goofy shit, and
there's big ass Machines and people in Alien Bug costumes doing Crazy Techno
Ambient and there's people in Bullhorns making Cop Noise and it's all just woo
woo woo bzzzt frsshhhh zzzzap!
Fuq, this rum is evil shit, man.
Okay, trying to focus here...
So they lit these boards on fire and stuck firecrackers
in the ass of 2x4s and shot them, flaming with aluminomagnesiastic fanfare into
flats full of computer monitors and chaos and future tech and shit and BOOM and
BANG and lots a lights.
It was great, and the guy wand'ring round in his orange stilt suit with TV
cameras and buglook and bullhorns and crazyfu was drowned out by the engine
that deliberately backfires because they have big ass sparkplugs on the exhaust
and keep the mix rich as fuck.
But then cops REALLY CAME and they SHUT DOWN THE FUTURE so we had
to stumble out into the past and look for busses.
We gave up and started looking for BATHROOMS. We went
to burger sling and they only had drivethru
We event to the old clamhouse CLOSED FOR THE EVENING.
McDonucks was the same as
Then we come upon
Yorgo's Greek Bar and Donut Shop WE NEVER CLOSE and BREAKFAST 24HRS and FREE
guy was swearing in Greek and at least I know the dirty words, so it was all
fun, and Yorgo the barman had a friend drive us to Zeitgeist where there was
THE TAMALE LADY and I had tamales and chocolate and Guinness and rum and YOU
ALL MISSED OUT ON THE GREATEST FUCKING NIGHT IN SAN FRANCISCO EVER AND I LAUGH
AT ALL YOUR MISFORTUNES!
That is, until tomorrow morning, at which point I will likely be in heavy